Emotional Fitness

This afternoon, my friend invited me to come out with her to play with her two critters at her new boarding barn. Silly me - I imagined a relaxed time watching Alyssa play horsey. Not so!

My friend handed her sensitive LBE Arab mare's leadrope to me and instructed me to go play with her. So, I led Vannah into the arena, swapped out her 12' rope for a 22', and then pretty much burst into tears. Hmm..

I've noticed for awhile that I'm having leadership issues. I also have had pretty significant performance anxiety. Put them together and it apparently equals tears. Now, I wasn't thinking any particular thoughts to provoke this, I was just trying to gather my thoughts to get started. When the tears started, I actually started to giggle and to think, "How interesting.."

I've just finished reading the book, The Tao of Equus and listening to the audiobook, Be the Pack Leader. Both books stress the importance of emotional congruence when working with both people and animals. So, I didn't try to suppress my feelings. Instead, I took a moment to explore them with Alyssa and then to regroup.

In a nutshell, I feel powerless and ineffective when working on a 22' line. Plus, I feel awkward when playing with someone else's experienced horse for fear that I'll annoy the horse with my clumsiness. I feel as though I'm in a fog whenever knowledgeable PNH folks watch me. (Forget ever auditioning for Pat!!)

It boils down the that fact that I've spent 6+ years *studying* Parelli Natural Horsemanship and during all that time, roughly the equivalent of 6 months of applied daily practice. I was in "Level 1 Limbo" for no kidding about 3 years.. (The red L1.) As an innate LBI, in all that time I've done way too much "thinking" and not enough time "moving my feet."

I now have the opportunity to move through the discomfort of "conscious incompetence." With all of my theoretical knowledge, I'm highly critical of my own performance. But, I now have a plan for a series of future play sessions:

Using the tool of "isolate, separate & recombine" I am going to turn over planning and direction to her, while I focus on refining my cues & body language. My friend's horse is playing somewhere in L3 Online and will give me clear feedback whenever I miss the mark. This will also allow me to work through my performance issues in a safe environment.

All I can think is, thank goodness that this has come up NOW, while I have time to deal with it before the Carol Coppinger clinic in May. Conscious competence, here I come!